Roslyn Ross ~ Copyright (c) 2008

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Death has a way of focusing our attention. And that's probably because we don't want to believe in it and do all that we can to avoid accepting it as a reality.

Whether it is for one's self, or the death, imminent death, or life-threatening illness of a friend or family member, the reality is that when Death appears it transfixes us, like rabbits caught in the glare of a spotlight in the darkness of night, for at least a time.

That is not a bad thing according to those who monitor and ponder the health of the mind and psyche, because it is only through a healthy acknowledgement and acceptance of Death that we truly Live. On that basis I would say that many if not most of the world's billions are probably not truly Living although such an assessment would be a matter of degree depending upon where one lives in the First-Third World continuum.

Life has a rawness and danger in the Third World which probably prevents people from effectively entering into the strategy of denying death which has become so prevalent in the First World. Our lives have become so 'safe', or at least with such a greater illusion of certainty than people experienced in the past, and experience in less developed nations today, that we are often quite shocked when Death appears in our field of vision.

It is as if we simply do not expect it to happen, despite knowing, as conscious human beings that of course it does and it must. And this is because we are simply less familiar with Death and, while familiarity does not necessarily breed contempt as the adage goes, it most certainly breeds familiarity.

Few of us in Australia who have reached our fifties have ever seen the face of Death as much as our parents did and as their parents did before them. War, deprivation and disease cut a constant swathe through their lives which would have made it impossible to deny Death in the way that we do today. We may have heard the stories of a great-aunt losing two small children in a week to diphtheria; of uncles and aunts lost in war; of adults and children alike cut down in their prime by polio and of women and babies dying in childbirth but, to generations since, these are, luckily for us, just stories.

And yet, in this time of greater certainty, we are increasingly fearful and we over-protect our children to their detriment. Perhaps our parents and grandparents were just as fearful but of different things. Or perhaps because we have not come to terms with Death we need to create imagined fears to distract us from what we truly fear. The world may be a safer place in terms of disease and war, at least for us, but it appears to have become a more dangerous place in other ways. The 'new' demons are sourced in the same old fears.

Is it so important to come to terms with the reality of Death in the modern age? I would say, Yes, because it is not difficult to see that it is a fear of Death which underlies so much of our society and which unconsciously influences who we are and what we do. That which becomes conscious can be a friend; that which remains unconscious will be an enemy.

Human beings have come to terms with Death throughout history by finding meaning in both Life and Death in religious terms. At a time when more of us can confidently expect all of our children to reach adulthood and can expect comparatively long lives for ourselves, it is perhaps not surprising that religion has become less important than it was. That is not a bad thing. Religion by its very nature encourages a certain immaturity of belief and emotion and is an effective death-denier itself because it gives us black and white answers to Life and Death and encourages us to think about anything but Death.

But religion also provides a level of 'meaning' to the uncertainties and cruelties of Life and in a more secular age, it is this lack of meaning I believe, which fuels the fear of Death. We do not have to find God to truly Live in the face of Death, but we do have to find meaning in our lives and our deaths.

Coming to terms with Death enables us to prioritise our lives in healthier ways. As the joke goes: 'No-one on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at the office.'

Death has a way of compressing a Life and making it look very small indeed. It is easier to project a sense of meaning onto the future than on to the present or the past. When Death holds court, there is of course, no future … not in this world at least. Religion has been successful because it gives the promise of a future, albeit in another world, but the promise of a future all the same.

And this is the fantasy, the illusion of both life and death, for in reality there is never a future, merely an imagined moment, a created dream, a promise we or others make to us and which we cling to because it makes us feel safe. All we have is Now. This is the truth and the only truth. Whatever was past is past and even the past is as much a series of imagined or perceived moments as the future.

Human memory is not as reliable as we would like to think. Just sit down with your brothers and sisters and ask everyone to tell their own story of life with mum and dad if you want to know how memories differ depending upon who is retrieving them.

With no past and no future there is only the moment, there is only now. In truth none of us know, or have ever known, how long we have in this world, but most of us have wasted a lot of our time here wondering or fearing just how long it might be.

When we learn to live in the moment, learn to truly experience the Now, we find the meaning for which we seek. Life is because it is and the meaning of life is that you exist in this moment whatever your age, your health, your hopes or your fears. In the moment there can be no fear because you are truly here and truly now and living this moment of life to the fullest.

Give it a try. The next time you are feeling fearful ask yourself where you are – is it in the here and now, or is it in the past or future. I'd be willing to bet you are in the future and that truly is the place of death because it simply does not exist.

True joy only exists in the present and the more time you spend in the Now, the more joy there will be in your life. In the face of Joy, even Death cannot help but laugh.

In Living Meaningfully, Dying Joyfully, Geshe Kelsang says:
Dying with regrets is not at all unusual. To avoid a sad and meaningless end to our life we need to remember continually that we too must die. Contemplating our own death will inspire us to use our life wisely by developing the inner refuge of spiritual realizations; otherwise we shall have no ability to protect ourself from the sufferings of death and what lies beyond. Moreover, when someone close to us is dying, such as a parent or friend, we shall be powerless to help them because we shall not know how; and we shall experience sadness and frustration at our inability to be of genuine help. Preparing for death is one of the kindest and wisest things we can do both for ourself and others.

~ Roslyn Ross